I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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