I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
