Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the day after is always just damage control
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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