she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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