Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
