I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
