I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
