is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
