it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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