Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
