I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
