yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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