it hurts more in the daytime
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I want a musical about memes.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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