i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
