wat bout pragnant strippers??
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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