There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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