Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
