apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
