So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
