Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
