I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
