do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
