You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
