I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
