He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
