Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
