Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
