The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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