My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
