If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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