I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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