You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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