Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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