I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My bed smells like the plague
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