It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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