Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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