Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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