I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
