my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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