Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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