i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
