Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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