New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
