Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
