So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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