i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
