Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
