Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
