...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
