This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
