also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You can't special order awesome
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
