So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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