when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
